In Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say, Dr. Warren Farrell explains why falling in love is biologically natural, yet sustaining love is biologically unnatural. Sustaining love requires “mastering both the art and discipline of love.” Dr. Farrell maintains it’s more than worth it: “whether a couple is straight or gay, I’ve never heard someone say ‘I want a divorce—my partner understands me.’”
Dr. Warren Farrell brings us insights about men and women’s communication that have led the Financial Times to select him as one of the world’s top 100 Thought Leaders. Unlike most thought leaders, Dr. Farrell translates his ideas to the average person—leading to his being interviewed repeatedly by Oprah, Barbara Walters, Larry King and on more than 1000 TV and radio shows. And leading Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say to be a Book-of-the-Month Club selection.
Hearing personal criticism non-defensively is so important, Dr. Farrell explains, because the deeper our love, the more vulnerable we feel, the more defensive we become. Raising children means less time for communication, but more reason to stay together. The result: passion fades, and we are legally married but psychologically divorced. Or in a minimum-security-prison marriage. Dr. Farrell teaches couples not only how to handle personal criticism, but how to transform personal criticism into a guarantee of increased love.
While both sexes repress feelings and “walk on eggshells,” Dr. Farrell helps us understand why expressing feelings is especially challenging for men–as the title Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say implies. For example, he explains how a man often has all his “emotional eggs” in the basket of the woman he loves, making him fear her withdrawal should he say what he really feels.
Once we understand why men repress feelings, Dr. Farrell articulates the actual feelings men repress. For example, men often feel criticized for the housework they don’t do, but rarely share with women some of the more than 50 areas of contribution to the family they typically make—but that aren’t seen. Fortunately, when men feel that what they do is “seen” and appreciated, they are happy to do more. And appreciate the woman he loves more. (Similar also for gay couples.)
As men and women learn this “Cinematic Immersion” method he uses in his couples’ communication retreats, they tend to love more and drink less. Adding to why Dr. Farrell has never heard someone say “I want a divorce—my partner understands me.”
For the audiobook version, Warren Farrell personally re-wrote the highlights of the entire book, and shares them in his own caring voice—making it a fascinating listen for a family trip. (Dr. Farrell gives a 100% refund if it doesn’t generate one of your family’s most valuable discussions.)