Why Men Earn More and What Women Can Do About It.:
Featuring Patty DeDominic,founder and CEO, PDQ Careers, Dr. Warren Farrell, author, Why Men Earn More, and i-Sophia subscribers.
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If you want to get a raise and promotion, it helps to know the right steps to take. Did you know that the playing field is more equal for men and women than you’ve been lead to believe? By examining data in the 2000 census, Dr. Farrell has discovered that, “Men who never married, never had a child, worked full time and were college educated earn only 85% of what women with the same criteria earn.”
Whether you want to get more out of your career and paycheck or figure out how to balance being a successful, high-paying professional with your role at home, this chat with CEO host Patty DeDominic, and author Dr. Dr. Farrell Farrell touched on all bases! Learn Why Men Earn More, which women earn more than men, all of their tricks and how to keep your relationship hot and your family happy in the meantime!
Jane: Dr. Farrell, why in 2006 is there still such a discrepancy in wages between men and women?
Dr. Farrell: For 25 different work-life choices made differently by women and men, each leads to men earning more money and women having better lives.
Jane: Hee hee! I guess in that context, I will take the better life route then!
Patty: Please explain! Many think that more money is a better life!
Dr. Farrell: Yes, women shouldn’t become imitation men because money is only a means to a better life.
Patty: So, don’t people need to set their sights on high earnings to buy the necessities?
Dr. Farrell: People who work 44 hours a week make twice what people who work 34 hours make. It’s up to the woman to decide whether the trade-off is right for her.
Jane: In the workplace, there have been many strides made in equalizing men and women’s wages. However, there is still a discrepancy of, I believe, approximately 17% for the same work done by women as men. How can we bridge that distance?
Dr. Farrell: The headlines make you feel that way – that there is a 17% discrepancy. For example, the headlines say that male doctors earn more than females, but males are more likely to be surgeons in private practice, etc. These same “job titles” are still apple and oranges.
Jane: How do we compare apples to apples?
Dr. Farrell: Apples to apples would be to compare male and female cardiac surgeons, both in private practice, equal years working, equal willingness to publish, travel, etc. Under those conditions, men and women earn equally (also about 10 other variables).
Patty. There are CEOs who don’t work 80 hours a week who earn 100 times what their hourly people earn.
Dr. Farrell: Once people earn more than about 100,000 dollars a year, you have to start paying them geometrically for the additional hours because you’re making them give up their life.
Patty: Dr. Farrell, in your book you talk about power and money. Please share your observations…
Dr. Farrell: Pay is about the power we give up to get the power of pay.
Patty: Do you mean the power of our time? The time away from other things in life?
Dr. Farrell: Yes. I define power as control over our lives. If you become an executive because you feel you’ll be respected or loved, or have more self-respect, then you don’t have power, because the control is in someone else’s evaluation of you. Power is the time to have a spiritual life, alone time, friends, tuck the kids into bed, get a download of their fears, exercise, maintain friends.
Tatjana: Things you can’t really put a “price” on.
Patty: Wow. Makes sense. I think you are a profoundly wise man. Not everyone would agree with your assessment of power, but most of the strong women I know do agree. So is it really possible to have a balanced life, if you want to make a lot of money?
Dr. Farrell: Can power and money co-exist? Yes. For example, a woman who wants to have it all might marry a man who raises children while she raises money. If she’s into career, she can often then have a happy marriage, well-raised children, and be happy herself.
Patty: Ladies, hear this? Dr. Farrell, our audience has young career starters as well as experienced parents.
Jane: To me, it’s trying to find that balance between career and family that has been the sticking point.
Dr. Farrell: The surprise is that many men would be fine with raising children if they feel that’s what their wife would prefer and that their wife would respect them for doing so.
Patty: So, what suggestions do you have to making these arrangements?
Dr. Farrell: I’ll start with women who are not yet married. Choose a man who listens. Ask him out. Pay the bills. This sends a message compatible with you’re okay with the money raising, but of course, you expect from him the childrearing, home handling and house work, to move with you and a personality secure enough to be a quality supporter.
Patty: What about those who already got one of the old-fashioned kind? To our audience, what have you tried that has been successful in balancing your personal priorities and in making progress in your career? This relationship and work stuff takes a pro, doesn’t it?
Dr. Farrell: The most important thing to understand about men is that they want to please a woman, and also that the marriages that are the happiest are those in which women are happy. Men sense this. If you’re married already, and he’s a super achiever personality, then you’re probably stuck. But most men, even many super achievers, if they’re given time with the children and respect and know you’ll be happiest with a career focus, they’re open.
Patty: This is good insight. I don’t think women always intuitively know that.
Dr. Farrell: The first proficiency is communication skills. More and more, I’ve been teaching couples’ communication because that’s the underlying foundation.
Patty: Men really want to please us… So… it’s important to talk about goals, needs and wants.
Jane: Having married the man that I met at 17, I agree completely about communication. That was the biggest thing we’ve had to work on over the past 18 yrs.
Dr. Farrell: Absolutely and hear this… It’s so natural when we’re criticized to desire to kill the criticizer before they kill us, rather than realize that immersing ourselves in their view of the world until we understand it generates love, security and feeling understood. The starter is attaching to your partner’s story and detaching from ego. I elaborate on this in a book called, Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say, but it really requires training, which is why I do communication workshops at places like Esalen in Big Sur, California.
Patty: How do you know if you are attaching to your partner’s story?
Dr. Farrell: Attaching to the story of your partner starts with detaching from ego, which requires some Buddhist-type training. Then, imagine your partner as an actor on a cinema screen whose story fascinates you, and you desire to find out how all the pieces fit together until you see the puzzle exactly as your partner sees it. That’s when you’ve earned understanding.
Patty: Do women have a distinct advantage here?
Dr. Farrell: Women have a distinct advantage when it comes to empathy, but not when it comes to taking criticism well. The commerce of male adolescence is the trading of wit-covered put-downs that unconsciously prepares boys to handle criticism in the world.
Patty: I know what you are saying. I am sometimes surprised about how my husband jokes with other men, sometimes guys he doesn’t even know. So women need tougher skin?
Dr. Farrell: The problem with boys turned into men, though, is that we are so vulnerable to women’s approval. That’s why we’re performing, at least in part, and we are not as good at handling criticism from the women we love.
Sarah: And the reason that criticism is so dominant in the first place? Is it to support one’s ego at the expense of the other? Maybe we need to change the notion of what we must get used to?
Dr. Farrell: Yes. Men need to learn that developing a thick skin comes at a price and women can learn how to handle it better, but neither sex is good at handling it from each other when they love their partner, parents or children.
Sarah: Men are socialized to be overly critical and women are socialized to feel powerless. Maybe we can teach each other how our socialization is good or bad, if we could walk a day in each other’s shoes. Ah! Let’s try some role-playing games!
Jane: Being open to criticism is a great way to grow. If you can’t hear what others opinions are of you, good or bad, how will you ever improve as a human being?
Dr. Farrell: Sarah, I agree that men are socialized to be too critical… Re: power, it’s tricky if we define power as control over life. The women’s movement has helped women have man more options than men currently pursue.
Sarah: Agreed. Constructive feedback. It depends on how powerful you feel inside to deal with it, no? Women have more options and maybe men need more options, too. Caring for the family fulltime being the major one (walking in each other’s shoes)…
Dr. Farrell: Agreed.
Patty: Dr. Farrell, communication seems to be a key in personal and business relationships. I love your thoughts on earning more: “Above all, produce more.” This is so important, yet so tough to do. Got tips?
Dr. Farrell: Basically that’s the most important of the 25 ways to increase your pay. Men learn through sports that even if you’re a rookie basketball player with no experience, if you can outproduce everyone else and still be a team player, the only limit on salary is supply and demand.
Patty: Are you talking about survival of the fittest?
Dr. Farrell If we define it differently, the fittest is not the best producer of money. Often, men unconsciously learn a false definition of power: “Feeling obligated to earn money someone else spends while he dies sooner.” That’s not the fittest.
Patty: I see your point (how’s that for listening!). I totally agree that working your ____ off while someone else spends the money is NOT power! And for the dying early… well, stats prove you out. Sarah, how have you managed to raise a family and raise millions in venture cap?
Sarah: Not easy! But, possible. You have to manage your priorities and focus on the important things, not the urgent things.
Patty: Teaching, training. We women have always been good at this. However, these are underpaid professions, noble as they are, but not financially compensated well.
Dr. Farrell: Yes. Here are a few other tips to higher pay. One is a willingness to travel. For example: a traveling nurse makes about twice what a stationary nurse makes.
Patty: Let’s brainstorm some other suggestions for our readers. Take risks. Work hard/smart. Stop whining… What else?
Dr. Farrell: Be aware that hazardous jobs like the military are much, much less hazardous for women, especially if you know that entering the Marines and Air Force are far safer than entering the army. The final tip for women is to get into sales. Many women are great at it, and for example, female sales engineers earn 143% of their male counterparts.
Patty: Thank you Dr. Farrell. I highly recommend everyone getting a copy of his book WHY MEN EARN MORE.
Sarah: I’d like a conversation on women and power soon! Cheers…
If you’d like to continue the dialog, go to www.i-Sophia.com. Click on “Sharing Wisdom.” Click on “Why Men Earn More.” Reply to the topic and add your two cents!
Patty DeDominic is the Founder, CEO and Chairman of PDQ Services, Inc., the Chairman of the SCORE Foundation, the President Emeritus of the National Association of Women Business Owners and a woman who has received many awards and honors. Contact Patty DeDominic at PDQCareers.com.
Dr. Warren Farrell is the author of many best-selling books on business, interpersonal relationships and family, including Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth Behind the Pay Gap and What Women Can Do About It. Contact Dr. Warren Farrell at WarrenFarrell.com.